just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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