I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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