aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
