p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
