All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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