Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
