there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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