I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
