Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
