North Korea, Best Korea!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize