please come you make the beer taste better
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
