I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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