dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I could fuck to npr.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
