call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
