Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
