My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
