just come out here and I will go home with you...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize