I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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