Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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