If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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