In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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