Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
if only i could text you this smell
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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