somebody snuck up and got me drunk
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's blow job season.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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