yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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