i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
