She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
