is your mom at the bar?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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