You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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