I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
