If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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