just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
