Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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