Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize