I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
