so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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