apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
