he wants to bone in the snuggie
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
