I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
