I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
