waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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