so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize