I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
