I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
