I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
