Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
