It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
