so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
