dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
