Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
