The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Drunk is not a location!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize