I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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