he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
