My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
