Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
