the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize