I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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