ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize