ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
