Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
