clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
