Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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