3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
