Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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