p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
