My room smells like vodka and shame
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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