under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
