There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize