OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
