I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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