She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
