It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
