dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
there's paper in my vomit.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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