Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
