there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Bring me that man meat
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
