Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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