Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
