i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
