just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
