it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
