Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
