Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize