she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
