I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize