there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You made out with two different species that night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize