My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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