I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
