And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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