i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
