just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
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