i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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