I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
