So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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