come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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