Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize