"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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