He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
