Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
