Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
