On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
