I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize