you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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