Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
