i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
