I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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