a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
