Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
